The Interview that never took place
Interviewer: So, why do you want to invade Iraq?
Bush: Because they attacked us first. They attacked freedom, liberty, and freedom too. This great nation with its great people will not stand still against such evil, evil villains.
I: But those who attacked us, Al Quaeda, have absolutely no links with the Iraqi government.
B: Yes they do.
I: No they don't. It's been confirmed by the UN.
B: Yes they do.
I: No, they DON'T.
B: Well, they also have those weapons of mass destruction. And the great great people of this great great country will not allow the axis of evil interfere with concepts like freedom, liberty, independence, and freedom.
I: Hans Blix has just reported that Iraq does not possess any WMD.
B: Hans who?
I: Hans Blix, the UN official in charge of a detailed investigation to decide whether Iraq is still in possession of weapons of mass destruction, and the conclusion is that they aren't.
B: Yes they are.
I: No they are NOT.
B: Well, there is also this evil, evil dude, Saddam Hussein. We will smoke him out. This great nation will not remain still while the not-as-great-as-us people of Iraq suffer.
I: But there are many other evil dictators out there like Omar al-Bashir (Sudan), Kim Jong-Il (North Korea), Than Shwe (Myanmar), Robert Mugabe (Zimbabwe), Islam Karimov (Uzbekistan). Why not go after them?
B: Because those countries don't have oil.....ment. Yeah, that's right, they don't have oilment.
B: Yeah, oilment. What?, you've never heard of oilment?
I. No, I've heard of ailment though.
B: You say tomato I say potatoe.
B: You say Iraq I say Evil
I: I say you are a stupid bastard.